Bookish musings · Chapter by Chapter

Reawakened: Chapter 2 | Series of Snarks

Previously on Reawakened, we’d just met our protagonist, Lilliana Young, and got a bit of backstory, mainly the fact that she’s super rich but totally not a snob. Now it’s time to meet our dashing mummy prince!

We start off with a bit of action! Once the hand lets go of her, Lilliana dashes away to her bag, retrieves her pepper spray, and then just stands there. That’s it. All she does. Stand there ‘can aimed, finger on the trigger’. Instead of, you know, running away like literally any sensible person should do when being in this situation. In fact, she pretty much takes it upon herself to investigate the whole thing once Mummy Dude starts shuffling around in the other room, calls out to him in a bunch of languages before settling on telling him he really shouldn’t be there. And then briefly contemplating the idea of leaving and reporting what happened to a security guard. If this were a horror film or the beginning of a Supernatural episode, she’d be the first to die.

Switching tactics, she decides to go right back and offer her help (no self-preservation instincts in this girl, I swear), and this is when we get the first visual of Mummy Dude, well his body at the very least which is, of course, muscular and tan, clothed in just a pleated white skirt, and he’s bald. Hello stereotyping, my old friend!

Once Lilliana gets over how ‘very bare’ his chest is (honestly has this girl never seen a naked chest? I find that hard to believe), she decides she’s ‘feeling like an idiot for getting into this situation’ but that’s all the reflection that thought’s going to get since she stays put and we get a lovely chunk of dialogue exchange between the two of them where neither can understand the other. Fun.

Conveniently, because the story wouldn’t work any other way, obviously, Mummy Dude is able to cast a nice little spell that, apart from helping them understand each other, also reveals his ‘timeless’ face. And his hazel eyes. Now, I’m no geneticist or anything, but that doesn’t seem all that plausible, especially the part where they’re ‘more green than brown’.

Of course this book wouldn’t be complete without just a tiny dash of insta-love, once Lilliana gets her first proper look at him:

I felt like a mouse looking up at a swooping falcon, knowing death loomed but utterly unable to look away from the beauty of it. His physical splendor was undeniable: brooding eyes, miles of muscles beneath smooth, golden skin, and full lips that would send any girl swooning. But there was something deeper behind the beauty, something very different about him that made my fingers itch for a pencil and paper.

This is the third time in a couple of pages that he’s described as attractive. WE GET IT!

Because this book seems to think what it lacks in tension it must make up for in tropes, Lilliana immediately vows to stay away from this guy because he was ‘dripping with power’ and ‘definitely not [her] type’ (let’s see where she stand on that in just a couple chapters time, shall we?) and we finally get our first real exchange between the two:

“Identify.”
“Identify?” I repeated dumbly. “Are you asking my name?”
He nodded once.
Shifting my weight, I answered tersely, “Lilliana Young. What’s yours?”
“Good. Come along, Young Lily, I have need of your assistance,” he said.

So, I take it that means we’re going to be stuck with this awkward phrasing whenever he speaks even though his little magic trick conveniently solved the language barrier? Ah, well, I can’t have everything I guess.

I’m sounding like a broken record here but instead of doing the sensible thing and leaving, Lilliana (or Lily now, I guess?) follows him because of her ‘insatiable curiosity’, and, of course, has questions:

“What exactly are you doing? Why are you dressed like that? And how can you suddenly speak English?”
“Too many questions, Young Lily. Please pick one.”

Um, first of all, you dick. Second, you might want to, oh I don’t know, give her some incentive to help you. Since, you know, you need her assistance and all. Just saying…
Spoiler: he does not answer her questions. In fact, he rummages around looking for his canopic jars (jars that Egyptians used to store a mummy’s vital organs) while she continues to pepper him with questions, eventually leading to the fact that he appears to be robbing the place from Lily’s perspective, which leads to this fun little exchange:

“You can’t just come into a museum and take whatever you like.”
“Museum?”
“Yes, museum. As in, collection house of antiquities, displayer of old documents and art of great value.”
Pulling the top off yet another crate, he squatted to examine the contents. “Ah,” he said. “A House of Muses.”

One line and so many mistakes!

  • Muses, assuming he means the greek muses, only appeared around the 8th century BC, after he supposedly died (then again we don’t have a timeline so I could be wrong).
  • Museums only came into being after the 17th century, also after he died.
  • The word ‘museum’ while originating for the greek word for ‘House of Muses’ has latin elements to it, which should make it, at the very least, completely foreign to someone who spoke Ancient Egyptian.

Mummy Dude rambles on a bit about how his canopic jars aren’t around, which, spurs Lily into action and she tries to ‘hastily begin her retreat’. Obviously, Mummy Dude does not like this, and turns on her creepily proclaiming he ‘needs sustenance’, which only makes Lily want to run away a whole lot faster, to her credit. Finally, finally, she runs away from him (after blasting him in the fact with some pepper spray. There is hope for her yet), only to be stopped in her tracks by Mummy Dude chanting to Horus to basically make her his slave in all matters. Um, we’re supposed to root for this guy or something?

Surprisingly Lily still manages to get away, and make her lunch date with the daughters of family friends, whom she then proceeds to introduce as Blonde, Blonder, and Redhead. Honestly, the way they treat her, I’d have gone for more vicious nicknames because they’re pretty much dragging her appearance here:

“What happened to you?” Redhead asked.
“You look like something the cat dragged in,” said Blonde.
“Dragged in, scratched, coughed up in a hairball, and tinkled on, maybe,” added Blonder.
[…]
“I mean, seriously, who did your hair this morning? Albert Einstein?”
“Yeah, and your clothes.” Blonder twitched her nose. “I’ve seen fewer wrinkles on a shar-pei.”

What a nice bunch of friends, I’m so incredibly jealous.

Lily gets them to back off by telling them she’d been mugged. Before ditching them all together after at the sight of Mummy Dude crossing the street and apparently causing quite the stir:

A bald man wearing a white pleated skirt and no shoes. Though New Yorkers are used to just about anything, the man caused a stir. The crowd parted for him [..].

Now, I’m no New Yorker, but I’m fairly sure this wouldn’t cause that big of a commotion, especially in front of a museum that houses ancient egyptian artefacts.

And then a cab hits him (I wish I were joking), so Lily obviously has the urge to run to his side.

Notice anything missing? We haven’t even gotten Mummy Dude’s name yet and he’s already dying! Think the next chapter will open up with them both being dead? A girl can hope…

 

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3 thoughts on “Reawakened: Chapter 2 | Series of Snarks

  1. So she went to investigate creepy moans in a secluded area, but first decides to leave behind her bag, which contains both (I’m assuming here) her cellphone AND a can of pepper spray?YEP, MAKES SENSE.

    I shouldn’t be resorting to capslock by the beginning of chapter two, especially since she follows that up with GOING TO “HELP” THE CREEPY MOANING DUDE, oh my god.

    “Hello stereotyping, my old friend!”

    Ha!

    “Once Lilliana gets over how ‘very bare’ his chest is […]”

    Would she have been less flustered if he was slightly less bare in the chest region? Say, wearing pasties? (Please someone draw me a picture of this sexxxy Egyptian prince in pasties.)

    Whew, thank goodness for those easy little language spells.

    “[…] miles of muscles beneath smooth smooth, golden skin […]”

    MILES? Just how big is this guy? (Does this mean his pasties are the size of dinner plates? THIS IS IMPORTANT, I MUST KNOW.)

    I love how it takes her approximately five lines to go from “gotta stay away from this dude, he’s weirdly powerful [in unspecified ways] and so not my type” to “YES, I SHALL FOLLOW YOU AND PROVIDE MY ASSISTANCE, OH MYSTERIOUS ONE.”

    But hey, thank goodness for her using the pepper spray and avoiding bound servitude–but oh seriously, she heads straight to lunch instead of stopping by the security desk, or alerting the nearest employee or guard? She sure does love and revere art and museums, yep.

    For the love of Christ, does this book really need to dive into the women-hate-women trope in its SECOND CHAPTER? Couldn’t it have shown a bit more restraint and introduced it, oh, never? Ugh.

    Keep up the excellent work! In the meantime, I’m off to find myself a stiff drink.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’ll take that drink with you… Yeah don’t even get me started on how “””rational””” Lily is, because she makes Sarah Palin look sane…
      As for the women hating on women trope, don’t you know Lily can’t be a special snowflake without it??

      Liked by 1 person

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